What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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