I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
