How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
