He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
