i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
