Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up under a house in Key West
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