i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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