i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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