it was like his penis was on wheels.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
