he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
