i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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