How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
