You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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