My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
