i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
