I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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