You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
