I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
