I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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