In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
