I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
