So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
