You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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