Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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