i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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