dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
