I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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