what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
