Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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