Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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