Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
