I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
