I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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