he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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