thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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