If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
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I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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