So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
