Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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