I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
