Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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