Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
As shirtless as possible
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
