He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
