Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
