weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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