Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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