i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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