Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
