I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
