so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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