in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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