its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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