In the future we'll all be gay
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
