Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
