You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
