We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
