he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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