dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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