I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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