I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
