my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
