The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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