I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
